Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Not a Day Goes By...

Not a single day goes by in which I don't think about having cancer. You'd think that by now, almost two and a half years after my diagnosis, it would be taking a back seat in my life, but it's not. Just when I think I can get through a day, it rears its ugly head in one form or another. I try not to talk about it with my friends and family all the time, but sometimes I just can't help it. Hopefully if they get tired of hearing about it, they'll just tell me to "get over it!"

Believe me, I've tried to get over it, but it's not that simple.

When I turned the calendar over to December, there it was, staring me in the face. FOUR appointments (2 procedures and 2 doctor visits) coming up this month. All of them were set up by the different doctors' offices and I was sent a notice as to when they were. I spent almost an entire lunch period one day making calls, trying to get these things rescheduled for either after school or during break. Unfortunately, I was able to get 2 out of the 4 rescheduled, but the other 2 have to be during school hours.

The "fun" starts tomorrow. I have a CT scan scheduled for 4:00 pm. It was originally scheduled for today at 1:00 pm. I'm just so excited about this. Because I have a reaction to whatever it is they inject during the procedure, I have to take pills beforehand. I have EIGHT pills to take at 4:00 AM! I have 8 more pills to take at 2:00 pm. Of course I also need to start drinking the yummy contrast in the early afternoon too. Oh yes, and the highlight will be trying to get an IV started on my deep, roaming, tiny (with poor blood return) veins. I wonder how big my bruise will be THIS time.

Oh yeah, I'm really excited about this. And I just hope and pray that nothing shows up.

(I promise...happier posts are coming soon.)


Anonymous said...

Cindi this makes me sad, I'm sorry you have to go through these procedures and have those constant nagging thoughts about cancer. I cannot say I know how you feel, but I can relate somewhat because as I approach my 50th birthday I keep thinking about how my mom was told she had six weeks to live and I keep thinking, my God I'm the same as she is what if I wake up and find out I'll be dead by 51 like she was? Am I ready to leave my family? My mom seemed old to me when I took care of her and 50 seemed quite far off when I was 28 but now I can see that she was just in her prime, she had just finished taking classes and getting her dietician certification, my youngest brother was the same age as Trevyn is now, she certainly didn't feel like she was done living any more than I do right now so it does give you a different outlook on life. I admire that you have been so willing to share your story. Ter