Sunday, July 1, 2007

Alexander

Oh Alex...I know if we dig deep enough into your skull we'll find blonde roots SOMEWHERE.

Last night I was in the den at the computer, typing up the grocery list. This is where I tell you that I am the luckiest wife in the world because Ted does the weekly grocery shopping. He gets up early on Sunday mornings and is usually at the store before 7:30 am. Actually he has turned into a "morning person" over the years and wakes up early every morning, bless his heart. It's also nothing to hear him say at 9:00 pm, that he's going to bed.

Anyway, it was around 10 pm last night, Ted was in bed, the boys were in the living room watching a movie with the lights turned off, and I was in the den doing the grocery list. I have a template of categories that I start with each week, and just do my thing with it. It really helps to have that template saved. I did this once I found out that Ted went through the list in the order I wrote it out. If I had something from the meat department first, then dairy department, then frozen department, then dairy again, that's the order of how he got things. Don't ask me why because I have no idea. Maybe he's afraid of forgetting something....I don't know. But using this template really helps. I even go through the weekly ad online and put each item on the list under the appropriate heading. The first time I did it, he made a huge fuss over it and I couldn't tell if he was making fun of me or being serious. He finally said that he was SO serious. Okay, I can keep this up...no problemo. So that's why I do what I do. It's the least I can do if he's doing the shopping.

Last night while doing the list I remembered that we didn't have anymore napkins in the napkin holder on the table and we were about out of paper plates in the cupboard. (We go through paper plates like crazy and usually get the 500 pack at Sam's Club, but I don't see a trip there in the near future. It's about 30 miles away.) As I was adding things to the list, I asked Alex to check the closet and see if we needed napkins and paper plates. While I was typing away, I heard him go to the closet and open it up.

"Negative."

"Negative? What does that mean? We don't have any in the closet or WHAT?"

"Negative as in we don't NEED any."

"Then why has the napkin holder on the table been empty for a few days?"

"I don't know."

(I swear that's the first phrase an infant learns...the ever famous "I don't know")

"Okay, please put napkins out on the table and put paper plates in the cupboard."

"10-4."

I really love his acquisition of vocabulary...he's brilliant, isn't he? This is the same kid who will answer the phone NOT using the standard "hello" phrase, but instead say "Front Desk" or "Yo." What a sense of humor.

Throughout all of this, Joey is being very quiet, so as not to attract any attention to himself for fear I would ask him to do something, like check on the status of some other item. Smart man.

I finally finished up the list and told them both that if they had anything to add, to write it in the appropriate category. Then I took the list out to the kitchen to put it where Ted would see it, and to get a bottle of water to take to the bedroom with me. I was off to take a shower and go to bed.

STOP!

NO WAY!

I had made pizzas for dinner (you know, the whole thawing of the bread dough, rolling it out, fitting it into the pan, dealing with a huge mess, and all that) and of course, being a Saturday night, no one will clean anything up without being directed to. So there was an empty cookie sheet that had held a pizza earlier in the evening on top of the stove. (I figure that if I go to the trouble of making all that stuff and cleaning up the mess to the point of serving the food, then someone else can clean up a little after it's eaten. Maybe that's not the best way to think about things though...hmmmm...)

A messy, greasy, empty pizza pan.

With a 12" tall stack of paper plates on it.

"ALEX! Please don't tell me that you put this big stack of paper plates here. This isn't where we keep them and you know that. Do you really think that this entire stack will fit in the space in the cupboard? I DON'T. And whose brilliant idea was it to put them in this greasy pan?"

The response was a very defiant "I don't know, Mom."

I put the top 4" of paper plates in the cupboard and told him to get the others and put them back in the closet, except for the bottom couple which had absorbed the grease. I told him to throw them away.

At 16, he should have a little common sense. At least you would think so. I'm telling you, later today, I'm checking his roots.

And if this is the worst thing he does throughout his teenage years, we will be SO FORTUNATE!!!

I love you Alex!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I loved this story, thank you for having kids like my own, I can totally see this happening in my house. Keep up the great posts I love reading them. Terre

Melanie said...

I liked the story....typical male teenager. However I really don't think the blonde roots was necessary. I personally know some brunettes and redheads who are dumber than a sack of hammers! By the way I am making it my mission to comment on all of your posts. I don't know how long it will take me so check back!

;P

Mary said...

Unfortunately this is NOT just a typical male thing! I have 3 girls in various ages of teenage and young adult who would do the exact same thing!!!! NONE of them are blonde either - altho - I think they have history with peroxide...hmmm...