I'm Struggling

This Friday Marina will go to our vet's office....and be spayed. I realize that this should be a very simple cut and dried procedure, but I'm really struggling with it.

When Pepina was spayed it was not a big deal. I made Ted take her in that morning and I picked her up late that afternoon. I wasn't crazy about the fact that we had to take her food and water away at 10 pm the night before, but we did it and she handled it. I called the office a little after 11 am that day and asked how she had gotten through the procedure and they told me that they were just getting started on her because their power had been out for a few hours. Without even thinking, I just blurted out, "But she hasn't had anything to eat or drink for 13 hours! She'll be dehydrated!" The woman was wonderful with me and assured me that she would be fine and told me to call back in an hour. I did, and they said she had made it through just fine. When I went to pick her up, our vet talked to me first, then I went out and paid the bill, and then they brought her to me. She looked so darn pathetic. I felt SO bad for her. We got out into the car and I was crying on the way home...I just couldn't handle it very well. When we finally got here (about 4 minutes later) I got her out of her carrier and thoroughly inspected her. Her little tummy was all shaved and I didn't like that, but I knew it had to be done. She finally ate a little bit and drank some water, and then just laid around. She was totally out of character. Over the next week or so she was able to jump up onto things, but couldn't jump down. She would "meow" until we got her down, even from the chair to the floor. She ended up with a respiratory infection and had to go on an antibiotic. The vet said that she probably caught it when she was in getting spayed. She just never quite returned to her playful self. She'll still play, but it's not like it was before. That sort of made me sad.

I know that the responsible thing is to have Marina spayed, but I don't want her personality to change from the hyper little thing she is now to a laid back kitty. I don't want her to have to go through the procedure, being put under, having surgery, and not being able to jump around like crazy for a week or so. I don't want to have to be on the lookout for a possible respiratory infection. This was scheduled for August 24, but I called and talked to the office woman and told her that I wasn't ready to do it.

The staff at the office is absolutely WONDERFUL! She told me that it wasn't a problem and that if I was having any doubts, I should go ahead and postpone it. She told me that I could even come in and talk to the doctor about it if I wanted. They must be used to "emotional" mommies. I told her that I just wanted a little more time, so it was rescheduled for this Friday.

I am completely aware of the fact that this NEEDS to be done, that we have to have it done for her and for our piece of mind, but it doesn't mean that I like it. The poor little thing doesn't even have any say in it. I just don't want her to be in pain. And then there's the look. When I go to pick her up, I just hope she doesn't look at me with those eyes that say, "You betrayed me."

Okay, I'm a wimp and I know it. When it comes to my "girls" I spoil them a little.

Friday will be a tough day and I'll probably have to call the vet's office a few times, for my own sanity. Thank goodness we have phones in our classrooms, that's all I can say.

And for the record...her nickname is "MiMi."