Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Two Hour Delay

I live and teach in east central Ohio. It's a rather rural area, so when a flake of snow falls from the sky there is always the possibility of either a day off of school OR a two hour delay. If we have a two hour delay, we are still in session long enough so that it counts as a school day, thank goodness. Here in Ohio we are granted five calamity days (popularly known as SNOW DAYS). Any days over and above those five that we need to take off must be made up. Those are usually made up on Presidents Day in February, if we've used up our allotment by then, or at the end of the school year. Unfortunately we had to take a calamity day in mid September due to Hurricane Ike (yeah, I know, go figure...hurricane related issues in Ohio).

We've had a few flurries over the past couple of days, and even got almost half an inch of accumulation, and that, in addition to the icy roads, led to a school district in the county to our west having a two hour delay. I heard this as I was getting ready for school this morning.

There's usually a pattern as far as schools calling a delay or even calling off. We know not to get excited until certain schools have been mentioned, and since the one that had called off wasn't even in our county, we weren't in any danger of anything happening here.

Around 6:40 or so, I left for school as usual. Of course before I left I had a little chat with Alex about black ice. He's not a morning person so the conversation was something like this:

Me (in a motherly voice): Alex, be really careful on your way to school this morning. There's black ice out there.

Alex (with sarcasm): I know mom.

Me (with love and concern): That's fine, but I just need to remind you. Do you even know what black ice is?

Alex (more sarcasm): it's ICE...what else would it be??

Me (starting to lose a little patience): But do you understand how it's a little different?

Alex (reaching the end of his rope here): It's ICE, and that's it. ICE.

Me (exercising my parental authority): Well, let me put it this way. If you can't tell me what it is, you'll have to find another way to school.

Alex (totally exasperated): Okay, WHAT IS IT??

And I explained it to him. And stressed that he needed to be extremely careful.

He left for his school. I left for my school.

I pulled into the parking lot and there were a couple of people already there. One teacher was getting out of her car and looked at me as though she wanted to talk to me. (She lives about 40 minutes from school.) I put my window down and she said, "You know we're on a two hour delay, don't you?"

Uh...noooooooooooo, I didn't know. We have a phone chain, but I was never called.

We walked into the building and the principal was a little upset. She had just gotten the phone call herself a few minutes before, but of course she was already at school. I merely said, "Someone sure dropped the ball on this one." I had plenty to do, so it was not a big deal for me to just stay and work. One teacher actually got out of his car, heard about the two hour delay in the parking lot, then got back in his car and left. Now that's the height of professionalism.

Anyway, school eventually started and shortly after that we got this email from our superintendent. He has a real sense of humor. This is what he said:

Ok, first of all I would like to apologize to anyone who did not get a phone call this morning letting you know that we were on a 2 hour delay. Here is what happened. If you like the show 24 you will appreciate this e-mail.

5:16 John Smith (Transportation Supervisor) calls me and alerts me there is snow on the ground.

5:17 I realize that I was speaking with Chuck. I was still groggy.

5:18 Chuck and I discussed a 2 hour delay.

5:19 Chuck and I agreed to watch the snowfall, and pray the snow stops and the roads clear up.

5:20 I begin my pilates program.

5:22 I finish my pilates program.

5:24 I hopped in the shower and began the bathing process.

5:25 Brush teeth in shower.

5:26 Shower gel my whole body.

5:27 I began to realize my belly takes longer to shower gel.

5:28 I begin blaming Donatella's Pizza for my extra use of shower gel.

5:29 I begin the process of shampooing.

5:30 I realize I do not have as much hair as I use too.

5:32 I make a shampoo mohawk and think it is funny.

5:33 I start to shave in the shower.

5:34 Shaving ends ,and I can see that I have great possibilities in becoming a model.

5:35 I step out of the shower and realize that I left my towel in bedroom.

5:36 I begin to ponder how am I going to run to the bedroom and get the towel without anyone seeing me.

5:37 I begin to army crawl to the bedroom to retrieve the towel.

5:38 I am now frustrated because I am dry due to the fact I army crawled across the floor.

5:39 I begin to pick the pepperoni off of my belly because apparently there is pepperoni all over my carpet, and I do not sweep thoroughly.

5:40 I also found a piece of sausage. I am wondering who ordered sausage on their pizza.

5:41 I begin using deodorant and spray on my cologne.

5:42 I look in the mirror and think, "oh my wife is a lucky woman"

5:44 I dress and wait for a call from John (Transportation Supervisor) and Jerry (bus mechanic).

5:45 I pour my first cup of coffee

5:50 I realize 5 minutes too late that I have started to drink caffeinated coffee instead of decaffeinated.

5:51 I now have extra energy.

5:52 Head out to the nursing home to read to senior citizens

6:20 Return home and help elderly man cross the street

6:21 I enter home and eat dry granola for breakfast. This is one of the many reasons that I am so thin!

6:22 John Smith calls me back. Remember John Smith? He notified me that the roads are not safe, and we must go on a 2 hour delay.

6:23 I call Mary Adams (superintendent's secretary) and all of the radio and television stations to notify them of this urgent news.

6:35 I begin to feel like I have forgotten something.

6:36 My caffeinated coffee kicks in ,and I go for a morning jog.

6:47 Ron Adams (Curriculum Director) calls me and lets me know that I forgot to call all of the principals.

6:51 Bill Taylor (High School principal) calls me and lets me know that I have really screwed up.

6:52 Josh D'Amicone (Junior High Principal and new to the district this year) calls me and asks me if it is common practice not to inform the principals of the 2 hour delay.

6:53 I sit on the floor of my home with my hands held tightly to my face weeping because of my error.

6:54 I try to figure out how to blame Ron (Curriculum Director).

6:55 A small voice appears in my head, and tells me to be a man and take the blame.

6:56 I once again try to figure out how to blame Ron (Curriculum Director).

6:57 I drive to Central Office and begin to write this e-mail.

10:00 I begin to type this sentence. I need to apologize to all of you who did not receive a phone call this morning. This was 100% my fault! Please forgive me!!! I will try not to ever have this happen again!

(All names have been changed to avoid embarrassment and protect the identities of those involved.)

I thought that those of you who are teachers would appreciate this!

(And one more thing...I asked our superintendent if I could share this with you and he gave me his permission!)


PERBS said...

So, how much snow did you get? I am sooooooooooo jealous! Throw a snowball for me!

Jen said...

For me, that email would almost make the lack of notice worth it. :)

The Arthur Clan said...

That email was hysterical! :) I cannot imagine the superintendent of our schools ever writing a note like that. She has no (as in zero, nada, zilch, none) sense of humor whatsoever.

Stacia said...

OMG that was freaking hilarious!!!!!
Loved it, loved it, LOVED it!