Monday, November 3, 2008

Friendships

I'm the first one to admit that I have a very difficult time letting go of a friendship. I've had some friends for several decades, and yet some others are only a few years old. I'm not a person who can be friends with a whole bunch of people at the same time. I was never comfortable with the big "group" friendship thing. I would never be part of a group of say 4 or 5 couples who vacationed together. That's just not my style. It works for many, but not for me.

Fortunately, most of my older friendships are with people who understand me, and realize that if I don't call, write, or email them frequently, that doesn't mean that I want the friendship to end. It just means that I think about them, but occasionally have trouble setting aside the time to stay in touch.

One of the most difficult things to do is to realize when it's time to let go of a friendship. It's almost like ending a marriage. I'm in the process of ending a couple of them right now, and it's hard. I mourn for what could have been, for what we had, and what we shared over time. However, I know when it's time to move on, and what hurts the most, is that I also realize when I've been used.

Ouch.

I thought my personality was enough to sustain a friendship. However, I now know that's not the case. Even though we've had a lot in common and could laugh and tease, the brick wall stares me right in the face.

For every friendship lost, though, there is another one to be nurtured, when least expected.

My best friend is my husband...I wonder how many other people feel that way? He has seen me at my worst, my best, and everywhere in between. We got married young and matured and grew up together. This is definitely one friendship that will last a lifetime, and for that I am extremely grateful.

7 comments:

Jen said...

My husband is definitely my best friend. He was before we started dating too. :)

ChickenGal said...

I married my best friend too! I have had some grreat friends along the journey, some are always there and some I had to let go for all the same reasons you stated...except the one that really got to me in 2 relationships....it was the husband of the friend, total jerks and putz's.... lost some very good friends over those men.....and as much as I wanted to be supportive, I couldn't stand by and watch those men continue to undermine our relationship. Even tried to keep it on the down under, but it didn't work....any way I have moved on....some friends come into your life for a long time and some are there for a short time, but whenever or whatever, they enhance your life.....P.S. I like my new blog friends!

The Arthur Clan said...

I have a sneaky feeling that most good marriages are that way because the spouses are best friends as well. I know that it is the case in my marriage ~ the one person I can turn to in any situation and I know he'll always be there for me.

So sorry for the friendships you have had to let go ~ that is always difficult, but sometimes so necessary as well. It still hurts!

Angie

Terre said...

Sometimes my best-friend is a grumpy gus but I wouldn't trade him for the world. Glad you are smart enough to know that life is too short to put up with people who don't love you unconditionally. Friends are supposed to bring you joy not suck the life out of you :o) and you have brought me a great deal of joy by finding me again. :o) Ter

PERBS said...

Life helps you learn what really makes up a good friend.

Leeann said...

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((CINDI)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

leeann

Anonymous said...

How coincidental,,,your husband has been my best friend for a long time too. Let's see, about 38 years now. Even though I don't get to talk to him, or above all see him as much as I'd like to, he's still my old buddy Knise, and always will be. True friendships are FOREVER. Casual aquaintances, and above all users, are fortunately short lived. Guess I don't need to tell you who this is eh?? LOL!!