Monday, April 6, 2009


I'm a procrastinator. I know it. I admit it. I've been burned fairly often by being this way. But the fact remains that I continue to procrastinate.

Part of my procrastination is letting mail pile up, then when I have a nice big stack, I'll sit at the kitchen table and go through it all. As long as I have a trash bag nearby, I'm in good shape.

Well earlier this afternoon I went through the accumulation of mail. I always find little surprises when I do that, and today was no exception.

We received brand, spanking, new American Express cards!

Isn't that great???

Ahem. No, it's not. Especially considering that we do not have an American Express account. I looked at the cards a little closer. They did not have an account number of 1234 567891 23456, which is what companies usually put on the card if they're just advertising. Then I looked a little closer at the paper that the cards were attached to. It said that we'd been a "member" since 1983.


So I gave them a call. I told "Kevin" that I did not want these credit cards.

Kevin: You've had them since 1983.

Me: No, I have never had an American Express Account.

Kevin: Your original cards were issued through MBNA and your account was purchased by American Express.

Me: I don't use the account you're referring to and I want to close it.

Kevin: Why would you want to do that?

Me: Because, AS I JUST SAID, I don't use the account. I don't need it.

Kevin: Well, you know that will hurt your credit rating. Well, not exactly hurt it, but you won't have funds available in an emergency.

Me: I have other credit cards that I use, so that will not be an issue.

Kevin: Why do you want to get rid of this particular account and keep the others?

Me: Because that's MY choice. I do NOT want this account.

Kevin: So you want to close it?

Me (at last, he's getting it): YES

Kevin: You really should hold onto it.

Me: Can you tell me the last time I used this account?

Kevin: Yes, in 2004.

Me: Well this is 2009, and if I haven't used it in the last FIVE years, I don't need it. PLEASE JUST CLOSE THE ACCOUNT.

Kevin: Well, if you insist.....


Kevin: Well, then I need to read you some things to make sure you understand what you're doing.

Me: Fine, go ahead.

Kevin: Yadda Yadda Yadda

Me: Okay, close the account

Kevin: Yes ma'am. You'll get written confirmation of the closing of the account in the mail. It will be sent within 24 hours. Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Me: No thank you. (My parents taught me manners.)


He just wouldn't give up. I know that's what he's supposed to do, but all that does is irritate the customer, or soon to be "former" customer.

And that, my dear friends, has been the highlight of my day so far.


mdx3mom said...

Holy SH$&$% is all I have to say about that conversation!

PERBS said...

I would not have been polite. You will never get a confirmation in the mail. I hope that wasn't the highlight of your day. lol I went for another hike --this time only 4 miles instead of 15 last Saturday.

theArthurClan said...

Ugh...I have a couple of cards that we haven't used for YEARS and I know I need to call and cancel them. Your post today is exactly the reason why I haven't called them yet.

gorillabuns said...

with all the banks wanting to not lend money, one would have thought you wouldn't have had such a hard time to close an account!