Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Parenthood, Part Five

We were shocked, to say the least, that this pregnancy didn't stick. Come on...don't most of them work out the way we plan?

We were relieved that we hadn't told anyone besides my folks. That made it a little easier when having to relay the information that we were no longer expecting a baby.

I saw my doctor and he said that at least a third of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, and we could immediately try again. In fact, he encouraged it.

We were no longer "innocent." We now knew that a pregnancy did not a baby make. And it was a lousy feeling. I resented the fact that I would now be a worry wart with any future pregnancies. And what about the baby we had lost? We (at least I) needed to grieve for this loss.

Again I went to the library and checked out some books on miscarriage and pregnancy loss. They helped a little, but I wish I could have spoken to someone who had actually gone through it like I did.

Then I began playing mind games with myself. "If I got pregnant again right away, maybe it would be like the miscarriage never really happened." Unfortunately that's when it happened, and we DID get pregnant again, very soon thereafter.

The books I'd been reading all said that if you made it to 12 weeks, you were pretty much home free. (I seriously wonder if those books are still out there, because most of us know that that's not true!)

By the second week in March, I was pregnant, but not taking it for granted. I decided that the miscarriage was just a fluke...one of those things that just happens, and I was no longer going to let it get me down.

I tried to take things easy, but sometimes I forgot I was pregnant and would still do all kinds of things. Fortunately Ted would catch me carrying heavy grocery bags or things like that. He was so great.

Once again, we didn't tell anyone, because we didn't want to upset Shannon and we wanted to make sure it was a viable pregnancy.

I was feeling pretty good...virtually no morning sickness or nausea. Things were going along so smoothly. This was going to be a very easy pregnancy, I was sure of it! And the nurse at the doctor's office gave me an approximate due date of early December.

Wow...we'd still have a baby at Christmas!


Jen said...

It would really be nice if pregnancy did equal a baby. Someone should work on that...

Hawkfeather said...

I know in my own journey- the way others ignore the loss of miscarriage can be so painful.

To me a child has been lost- to others they just might think not discussing it will save me pain?

I honestly think that acknowledging the loss is so important in moving on- I was very nervous carrying my youngest- mind you i am a nervous mother in general.. but after a couple losses I felt kind of cursed I guess.

In the long run i really needed to separate her from those I lost and to do so i *really* needed to have those losses be individual children i could honor..
and love.

I don't mean to offer unsolicited advice- every woman needs to face this in her own way-
just saying- some can see your loss for how painful and difficult it can be- and know how you doubt your body and such..

Paulie said...

Glad you are writing your story down -- future generations will enjoy "living" your life with you. You always stop at the most interesting points so we will come back, I reckon!