Whew!

Thank goodness the CT scan is over for another year. It was a terrible experience. The nutshell version is that two CT techs tried to get an IV started at the same time. Neither one of them took what I said into account, other than the fact that I have bad veins. Neither one of them looked me in the eye. One of them got a little upset with me when I moved my arm a little. Well, there wasn't any table or anything for my arm to lie on; it was just hanging in mid-air, and sometimes it's hard to keep it still when it's like that.

They made it sound like it was all my fault that the veins are bad and that they were being put out because of it. Oh yeah ladies, when my parents placed the order for me they put a checkmark in the box next to "bad veins."

Give me a freaking break.

After the first attempt at wiggling that puppy all around once it was in, I said "no more hand attempts" and then when they mentioned looking at my foot, I simply said, "NO." After three attempts they went to the radiologist and asked him if the IV contrast was really necessary and he said it was. Oh gee, what fun. An ER nurse finally came in and got into a vein after a few minutes, but then the vein blew. She finally got into a surface vein on the inside of my upper right arm.

What a mess.

The tech that actually did the CT scan is the same man who has done it all the other times and he's just wonderful. He's kind, compassionate, sympathetic, and looks me right in the eye. He knows I have a reaction to the IV contrast, so I had taken pills earlier, and he put the contrast into my IV really slow. That helped tremendously. He's fantastic...but the CT techs weren't. They need a little sensitivity training.

Since I know that colon cancers usually grow very slowly and my colonoscopy in June came back clear, common sense would say that everything will be fine with my CT results. HOWEVER, until I hear it from my surgeon, I'll feel like I'm just living my life in limbo.

I hate this.

Not a Day Goes By...

Not a single day goes by in which I don't think about having cancer. You'd think that by now, almost two and a half years after my diagnosis, it would be taking a back seat in my life, but it's not. Just when I think I can get through a day, it rears its ugly head in one form or another. I try not to talk about it with my friends and family all the time, but sometimes I just can't help it. Hopefully if they get tired of hearing about it, they'll just tell me to "get over it!"

Believe me, I've tried to get over it, but it's not that simple.

When I turned the calendar over to December, there it was, staring me in the face. FOUR appointments (2 procedures and 2 doctor visits) coming up this month. All of them were set up by the different doctors' offices and I was sent a notice as to when they were. I spent almost an entire lunch period one day making calls, trying to get these things rescheduled for either after school or during break. Unfortunately, I was able to get 2 out of the 4 rescheduled, but the other 2 have to be during school hours.

The "fun" starts tomorrow. I have a CT scan scheduled for 4:00 pm. It was originally scheduled for today at 1:00 pm. I'm just so excited about this. Because I have a reaction to whatever it is they inject during the procedure, I have to take pills beforehand. I have EIGHT pills to take at 4:00 AM! I have 8 more pills to take at 2:00 pm. Of course I also need to start drinking the yummy contrast in the early afternoon too. Oh yes, and the highlight will be trying to get an IV started on my deep, roaming, tiny (with poor blood return) veins. I wonder how big my bruise will be THIS time.

Oh yeah, I'm really excited about this. And I just hope and pray that nothing shows up.

(I promise...happier posts are coming soon.)

A Hospital Stay (Cancer Story, Part 3)

The nurses knew of me because my mom is a retired RN from the same hospital. They told me they were so sorry that it was indeed a tumor and I was just numb. It took me about 30 seconds to regain a little composure. Then I asked Dr. P what the recovery rate was for this and when he said about 85% I thought to myself, "YEAH, we can do this!" Then I asked the next step. He said that he would do surgery later on in the day, and that he would see me again very shortly. He left the room to go out and tell my mom and Ted what was going on and within a few minutes they were in the room with me. That was a big help. I was trying not to cry, but a few tears were sliding out. Thank goodness they were both strong, because I needed that. My mom is ALWAYS strong. She's a tough italian woman! Ted, well, I wasn't so sure how he was, but at least in front of me he was fantastic.

The next few hours were sort of a blur, until two surgical nurses came to my room to take me down to surgery. One of them said hello to me, like she knew me. When I seemed a little puzzled, she said that she was M's mom. M is a second grade teacher at the school I teach at, and I have known M since we were in high school together. I had seen this woman at our school, helping her daughter M on different occasions and had actually met her. Believe it or not, it was a real relief to "know" someone. She was absolutely WONDERFUL with me! Because of HIPPA and privacy, I told her that she could tell M what was going on. I knew that she wouldn't, unless I gave her permission. She asked if I was sure I wanted her to know, and I said yes...M and I are close at school. We can tell each other anything about people at school and situations at school, and I know I can trust her completely.

Because surgery was running behind, they let my mom and Ted into the surgical "holding" area to be with me for a little bit. Eventually I went to surgery, and things were pretty much a blur until the next morning. As I awoke in the morning, I realized that I was in pain all over my body. I ached absolutely everywhere. I felt like I'd been hit by a semi and thrown 100 yards. As I was just thinking about that, in walks Dr. P, my surgeon, and he said, "Hi...I'm the truck that hit you!" Because I had been thinking that exact thought, I started to laugh and that put me in more pain.

However, he had good news. He said he took out about 15" of my colon along with a golf ball size tumor. Yes, I had a colostomy, but it was temporary. He said that he felt confident that he got everything that he needed to get and that I probably wouldn't remember most of what he was saying right then. I think he was right! He checked my colostomy and incision, then said he would talk to me later.

Since the day before, I had been telling the staff that I wanted a private room, and it just so happened that one came open. So while Dr. P was out at the desk, writing in whatever secret documents doctors write in, he saw me being wheeled out and around the corner. He looked at me with a questioning look and someone told him I was going to a private room. He said something about he was sure I wasn't being dismissed yet!

Within 10 minutes of being in that private room, a vase with a beautiful flower arrangement was delivered...it was from my good school friend M and her family. That really brightened up my day. Over the next several days, a total of 11 different arrangements came and they really helped brighten up the room.

I had been trying to get in touch with my principal but had not been successful. I had told her the previous Monday between the time I found out about the gallstones and the time I went to the ER that I would probably need gall bladder surgery and didn't know if I'd be able to start the year out. That Friday night I was finally able to touch base with her. I'd been leaving voicemails and messages with people, but hadn't been able to talk to her in person. When we finally did speak, she said that she saw the Caller ID say the hospital, and she asked if I had had my gall bladder taken out. I told her that it was a little more involved than that and told her what was going on. She really felt bad. Of course she was also thinking about getting a sub for me, and not knowing how long I would be off work. I had no idea how long it would be either, but promised to keep her informed. Then there was also the fact that the staff would be told, and our secretary's sister had died of colon cancer about a year before. I didn't want her to go through being reminded of that whole nightmare again, so I told my principal to keep it very upbeat with the secretary.

The next day as I was up in the chair in my room with my mom and aunt visiting, I actually got a meal. I remember eating a glazed carrot first. It was soooooooo good. I hadn't really eaten in at least a week, and at that point anything tasted great! I had about 5 bites and that was all I could handle. That day was good as far as getting to eat was concerned, however it wasn't so good as far as the colostomy was concerned.

My colostomy became notorious for leaking. A colostomy appliance should last 5-7 days. Mine weren't even lasting ONE day before leaking out the sides. In fact, on that Saturday a nurse started her shift at 7 am. The first thing she did was change my appliance. This is not a simple, short process. It can take up to 30 minutes at times, depending on how messy it is. This nurse worked 12 hour shifts. The last thing she did, just before 7 pm, was change my appliance. The next morning, she came in at 7 am, and her first thing to do...was to change my appliance. They tried everything they could think of and eventually they could get it to last an entire day. What a mess.

Throughout my stay, Dr. P had repeatedly mentioned that the colostomy was temporary. He said that it could be reversed in a couple of months. HAHAHA...little did he know that I had this all figured out in my head. A couple of months is two months, which is close to 8 weeks, which really isn't much longer than 6 weeks, and could even be not too off from one month, which is only about 4 weeks. So I was planning on having this thing reversed by Labor Day weekend. OH MAN, WAS I EVER WRONG!!! On my last day there, he mentioned that I would need to see an oncologist after the pathology report came back to determine whether or not I needed chemo. Then he said that they couldn't reverse the colostomy until after chemo (if I needed it) was finished. Talk about bursting my balloon.

Then I went home on Monday, August 15.

I love my family

Last night my parents stopped over and that was nice. They were so relieved with my test results, even though they both said that they expected nothing to show up. Well, deep down, that's what I expected too, however, we all know that things can turn out quite differently than what we want them to be. We also had mom and dad look out back and see the pool that is being installed. It's amazing...or maybe totally normal...I'm not sure, but here I am approaching my late 40s and I'm still worried about my parents' reaction to things. They seemed to be okay with it. Not totally thrilled, but okay with it. At least they didn't say anything bad about it. I know they're just worried about making sure that we financially prepare for our retirement and future, and Ted and I appreciate that immensely, but this is something that we put a lot of thought into before making this decision.

Today my sister in law goes in for a rectal ultrasound to check on the status of a tumor that was discovered when she had a colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago. She's been back to the surgeon, to the oncologist, and now off to have this test done. If the tumor cannot yet be staged (which is what the doctors think) then she will have surgery to have it removed. Period. If it CAN be staged she will need to undergo chemo and radiation first, then have surgery, then have chemo again. We've been praying that they can't stage the tumor, but even if they can, fortunately it's been caught early enough that it may not have been spread to any lymph nodes.

Cancer is a real bastard. How dare this cruel disease sneak into someone's life and change their life FOREVER!!! Not only does it usually require treatment that takes a while to complete, but it haunts your mind for the rest of your life, at least it has mine, so far. Cancer, I really hate you, but I am going to win this battle.

Today I have big plans, hahaha. I plan on doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen. Heck, I may even clean the master bathroom if I have time! I can finally relax and enjoy the summer now and just do the normal things that I want to do.

While I've been working on this post, our two cats have been bouncing off the walls! Pepina, now a fully grown adult cat of 15 months old was settled into her ways, until we brought Marina into the house a few weeks ago, at the age of 5 weeks. Marina has adjusted to life here so well. Anything was better than the cat shelter, I'm sure. Pepina wasn't too sure about this household addition and did a lot of hissing and growling for a couple of days. Now they are used to each other, and Pepina makes it clear that she TOLERATES Marina...it's so funny! Last week they discovered that they can chase each other for entertainment, and they sound like a herd of buffalo running down the hall and throughout each and every room. When they catch each other, they would stop and just stare at each other, as though they didn't know what to do. Hysterically funny. Now they pounce on each other and roll around and tumble. When the sounds of distress start though, we now give them a little spray from the water bottle. Interestingly, it's little Marina who is the instigator 95% of the time. I had NO IDEA that having a cat (or two) could be so much fun. I like to think that we are offering them a much better life than what the cat shelter or even some other people could offer them. They make us laugh so much, and we are so grateful that we made the decision to have them come into our lives.

On the corner of my nightstand I have a 12" stack of unread magazines. My goal is to read at least two a day until I get through them. Of course that's been my goal for the past few years, hahaha, but this year I will accomplish my goal!!

Well, it's time to tackle that laundry and then the kitchen....or maybe not...hmmm...gotta think about that one!